just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
