i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
