is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
