I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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