since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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