TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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