I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize