Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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