Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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