I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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