I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
