Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
