fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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