Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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