he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
