Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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