this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
what the fuck happened to the tacos
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
