hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
