I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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