Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize