people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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