I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Two words: blizzard sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
