Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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