I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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