also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this just has baby written all over it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
