Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
