I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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