Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
