my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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