I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
