she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
