If that was your dad, he is hot
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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