Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm both gender and math confused
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
