I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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