I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
