matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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