this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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