I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize