She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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