can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize