A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
