I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize