I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize