I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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