Please, let me fuck your mom
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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