remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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