Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
