I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
