I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
