If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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