If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
