Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
