Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
