ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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