I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
