I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
