We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize