I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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