HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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