thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
