im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
