Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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