So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if only i could text you this smell
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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