Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
