I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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